Its not easy being a single mom especially when you have friends of the opposite sex. First of all trying to explain to children that you and Mr. Wilson (names have been changed to avoid drama and to protect the seemingly innocent) are just friends is never going to go over well. Children see the world in black and white. Either you are boyfriend and girlfriend or complete strangers. There is no" its complicated "status update in their world. Over the summer, I embarked on an adventure.. I became close friends with a male. GASP. We were working together and have known each other for a long time, the children already knew him so its not like they were learning about a stranger. However, I quickly learned that he was suddenly PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE, Every time we got on the phone together, my children acted like complete fools. They were smart enough to say things that would potentially send him runnning for the hills. In their defense, I was acting like a love struck teenager. We would spend hours on the phone. There were short breaks in between phone conversations which lasted three hours at a minimum. So when the phone rang, the girls plotted to get rid of him. My eight year old even admitted later than she wanted to get rid of him because he never called to speak to HER !! My twelve year old would yell: YOU ARE STARVING US AND WE ARE HUNGRY AND DO NOT HIT US !!!" Isnt that lovely. My ten year old would flat out tell me to get off the phone with him and the littlest one would let out blood curdling screams. Jealousy certainly reared its ugly head.
Our work meetings were interrupted by calls from them wondering when I was coming home. His presence was not welcome. I learned alot about myself and the fact that my children are used to having all of my attention. They dont mind female friends, but male friends are a struggle. How do other moms handle this ? Do you feel guilty when you decide to go out with a friend ?
Beyond dealing my children, I had alot to deal with when it came to my own feelings. I had fallen in love and there was no way out. My summer fling came to crashing end on the weekend of Hurricane Irene. I will never forget well at least I have not forgotten when it all took a turn for the worst. When you deal with someone for a certain amount of time, you come to expect or know certain behaviors. Up to that point we had talked for hours every day. Even though we did alot of yelling and disagreeing, he showed alot of care and concern in between the yelling. He called me on a Thursday evening and I asked where was he was. For the first time he was evasive. He kept asking me if Id heard from anyone from work. I suspect that someone from work saw him with a chick. I said no. The conversation was odd. During the hurricane, I looked forward to hearing from him. Since he was stuck at work, I figured he would past the time by chatting with me. He text me and said that he would call me later. That call never came. It was unlike him. So naturally, I was very mature. and started to panic. My texts were snippy, "oh you are busy, well talk to you soon.." I went into professional mode with him. This ticked him off. He said I changed and was acting weird. DUH of course I was acting weird, its called having feeling for you..you moron. Stupid me couldnt leave well enough alone. So one week later, after us having barely any conversation, he listed all of the reasons why he didnt want to be with me. Isnt that special ?? By the end of the phone conversation which I tried to mentally block out, I was feeling like crap. A simple 'hey we are better off as friends' would have sufficed. No need to go and on about how wrong we are for each other. Since then, things have never been the same. They probably never well. He gave me no reason to distrust him. But I dont trust him anymore. Thats on me because I trusted him with my heart and it got broken. He could have handled my heart with a bit more care than unleashing all of his negative feelings about me at the moment I was feeling the most vunerable.
We work well together, but at this point, his calls revolve around HIM. His project. He throws in a few, "how are you, how are the kids for good measure...but the basic topic is him. What fun. My heart will go on......
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